Getting to the Point... The Pain Point

Coach: well done, you uploaded something at least.

Me: yep.

Coach: we're going to have to talk about this.  This sadness.

Me: why?

Coach: I'd be neglectful as your coach if I didn't.  You're on your career break, and you want a specific guy as your husband and a baby and a home and a stable job.

Me: yeah good luck with that.

Coach: you know the basics - you're too old for the general dating pool, overweight, and wouldn't qualify for benefits and your career isn't going to work well for having a family life and don't have any property.  I'm not sure the career break helps either.

Me: well, that's certainly the first time anyone has said it to me straight. Thanks.  So I should spend my career break feeling suicidal? 

Coach: you're already feeling in despair and stuck and like crap.  What you want might not happen for you and it's my job to get you an optimum chance.

Me: what's wrong with what I'm doing by just fantasising or ignoring it?  I can't meet anyone else as you point out and the person I do want said no and I'm not having a baby on my own.  I have to wake up like this every bloody day for the rest of my life and I can't cope with it.  Waiting for messages that never come and men that never commit and a life that won't happen.  Why the hell are you torturing me too?  I already see him in my head with much younger women who can do all these things.

Coach: he's said no.  You can either aim to change that or accept it, but right now you are going to spend your whole life waiting for him to leave you anyway.  He doesn't want to marry you, isn't excited by you and you're too old and broke to give him what he wants is what I'm hearing.

Me: I don't have an answer. 

Coach: then for at least the next six months you're going to have to ignore this.  Lie to yourself, say it doesn't matter, you don't want children, you want someone who loves you and understands and haven't met the man who does.  You don't have a career - you aren't an executive person because you hate decisions and having authority over people.  This guy has ripped your heart out just like all the others from what you've said.  So make an executive decision.  Six months break from it all. You won't be substantially any worse off on six months than you are now.  You're already too old, what's six months.  You're already too fat, what's six months.  He already isn't coming back and won't love you anyway so what's six months.  You won't have a baby on your own so what's six months?  You don't have any other job offers so what's six months?  You can't 'make' people pay you or give you money in the same way you can't make people love you or give you a baby or change their minds and message you so what's six months.   This isn't about a career break, this is about a break from the pain.  And I encourage it.  That's what I'm here to help you do.

Me: I'd been doing quite well with exercise and eating, but I can't face it right now?

Coach: why?  It's something free that will rid you of pain and make you feel better that doesn't involve anyone else.  Absolute autonomy.  It's a guaranteed thing that will make you feel good and is fairly quick and can establish a rhythm in your days and lifestyle.  What's your next scheduled one? 

Me: 5.30pm I take the dog out.  And I suppose at 8 I'll take the dog out too.

Coach: you enjoy/like the dog?  

Me: sad isn't it.  Yeah.  I guess I feel happy when I have Yes Minister on and the dog and am walking.  It's simple and straightforward.  I know where we go and roughly how long it takes.

Coach: go do that then.  It's something and we can build it in and protect it.