Ooooo I have a coach!

Well here's a turn up for the books; my boss has bought me a series of sessions with (their personal I think) leadership and management/executive coach.  As I break out in hives at the thought of telling people what to do and I'm more a specialist than a manager I was wholly confused - and also a bit worried that I was going to have to return to work as a managerial, which I am not and would rather not be.  As my boss pointed out I'm not really one of nature's employees either.  My silence was met by a panicked I'm not firing you! I just mean noone tells you what to do and you don't tell people what to do, I sort of present you with something that's giving me a headache or needs a procedure block or bottleneck removed and I know you are the person to go to because you are ummm... like Jason versus the Gordian knot.  But nice and likeable too.

We had a little discussion because I don't want to be a manager or tell anyone what to do and the last time we did 360 degree feedback I made the HR lady cry by asking what her opinion on Marx's position on the source of ideas and capitalist production was because she was irritating me by asking me to give critical feedback on someone anonymously.  I see our office more as a loyal community of workers where if I had something to say to a member of my tribe I'd say it to their face in private and solely to their benefit.  A sneaky little criticism form just because everyone is due their personal appraisal isn't how I do things.  I asked my boss if I was being punished and if it was that lady it was a bad idea.  Apparently I'm not and it isn't.  

I'm not a marxist or an anarchist per se, I'm not really anything in particular, I'm not against appraisals - in fact I love employers and companies that love and invest in their staff and find the best way forward if they're not fitting but they can see a path through for them.  I love that this company is like that - I also have no idea why they needed a HR adviser when we were all happy with a speaking stone and just loving one another like a family with occasional external recalibration opportunities when people were maybe getting pigeonholed and someone clocked on.   It's about trust.  I trust that the people in our company are decent people - not perfect and things change and adapt - but they're not mean, they're not underhand and we don't have manipulative processes and we have a culture that mistakes or not fitting in can be worked on and everyone at some point is going to get into a fight or need to be realigned but at least its being done by people who also have your back and have probably had more fights in the carpark with each other than you can possibly imagine and have some experience of what it's like to be a bit skeewhiff too.  We're commercially savvy people and my boss has been known to pretend that I'm a delivery person because I have an ear tunnel when corporate people come to visit, while displaying the fixes I made for them to them.  Do I mind?  No, I do not.  But only because I trust my workteam and I know I'd rather be a delivery person than kowtow.  Anyone else tried to put this Baby in a corner and they'd hear all about it. 

The outcome of the discussion was that it was a truth I was the only one in my Human Resources postgraduate who had a tunnel, tattoos and a strong background in IT and maybe I could be a Manager if they promised me I wouldn't have to do anything I personally thought was wrong.  

I had no idea going on a career break was going to involve so much talking about my career and also getting gifted a coach.  I'm kind of flattered they thought enough of me to do it.   I keep forgetting that the main audience for this is going to be the people I work with.  I love you guys and thank you for the novelty jelly moulds. 

What the Hell am I going to do for six months?  I've known I wanted this and it's a good idea to expand and try new things.  Lucy knew she wanted to go cycling round Europe on her career break.  Donald knew he wanted to go volunteering with (I think) MSF for his.  I have this coaching first session this afternoon, that'll help.